Cross Ministry - Wake Forest, NC

Locating an experienced counselor who will help a person overcome unwanted same-sex attractions can be a long and arduous task. Because this form of counseling is “politically incorrect” among many counselors, strugglers and/or their family and friends need to know how to investigate and secure a counselor who shares their belief–that freedom is possible. When I am contacted by someone needing counseling for homosexuality, I immediately refer them to an Exodus member ministry in their area. Sometimes distance makes this unfeasible. Simply picking up the phone and making an appointment with the first person to answer can be a horrible mistake. Thus, I have specific guidelines for those seeking such help.

Go through the yellow pages and begin calling counselors. Do not assume that the designation “Christian or Biblical Counseling” means what you think it means. When you get a counselor on the phone, tell them “I need help for someone who is experiencing anxiety regarding same-sex attractions.” Do not say “I need help for a man/woman who is experiencing unwanted same-sex attractions”; you do not want to tip your hand with the word “unwanted.” By using the word “unwanted,” you are telling the counselor up front that the struggler wants freedom; thus allowing the counselor to modify his/her comments in order to get another client in the door, even if he does not believe in or advocate freedom. (If you get an answering machine or a receptionist, leave your phone number for them to return your call; DO NOT give details.)

After this brief introduction, immediately ask this diagnostic question, “what approach do you take with such a client?” Say nothing more, waiting in complete silence for their response. If the counselor asks a question before responding to your question, politely but firmly repeat your question with a slight variation, “how do you go about dealing with such a person?” Maintain control of the conversation; after all you made the phone call. Refuse to be drawn into answering qualifying questions. If the counselor cannot or will not tell you her approach, thank her for their time and end the call.

If the counselor is candid and says he deals only with the homosexual’s anxiety versus change, again politely end the call. He is not what you are looking for. If the counselor’s answers are solidly biblical and/or he speaks of reparative therapy, press further. (Reparative therapy is the clinical approach to helping those come out of homosexuality.) If the counselor uses biblical terminology, but comes across with simplistic answers such as “I teach him how to trust the Lord,” or “I share the gospel and tell her to repent,” again politely end the phone call.

What you want to hear is a lucid, compassionate, biblical response that homosexual behavior is sin and that freedom is possible through Jesus Christ. If the counselor uses the words “reparative therapy” she is referring to the clinical term for helping someone out of homosexuality. When you get either response, ask what books they have read on the subject and how much experience they have had counseling in this area.

Listen for book titles such as:
Someone I Love is Gay by Bob Davies and Anita Worthen
Homosexual No More by Bill Consiglio
The Broken Image by Leanne Payne
Crisis in Masculinity by Leanne Payne
Homosexuality and the Politics of Truth by Dr. Jeffrey Satinover
Reparative Therapy of Male Homosexuality by Dr. Joseph Nicolosi
Coming Out of Homosexuality by Bob Davies and Lori Rentzel
Desires in Conflict by Joe Dallas
A Strong Delusion by Joe Dallas
Setting Love in Order by Mario Bergner
Setting the Record Straight by Dr. Larry Burtoft
Out of Egypt by Jeanette Howard
Straight and Narrow? by Thomas Schmidt
Unwanted Harvest? by Mona Riley and Brad Sargent
Homosexuality: A New Christian Ethic by Dr. Elizabeth Moberly

The above books are classics advocating freedom from same-sex attractions. If you continue to get positive responses from the counselor, set an appointment for you or your loved one.